At this moment, I was born approximately 20 years, 164 days, 2 hours, 38 minutes, and 40 seconds ago. My time on this planet has been precarious, stalled, and exhausting. Around 90 percent of my life has been lived through my mind. At least that is what it feels like.
All of my anxieties, all of my planning, all of my visions for my future, they were all muddied over time due to my own inaction. Everything I ever thought about was quickly replaced with another thought after another. Reflecting upon my life, any action I ever followed through with was accompanied by a mind running faster than my body.
I can't write. I can't type five percent of what is in my head. As soon as I think one thought, my mind pushes a new thought in to replace it. My inability to focus is the reason I struggle with articulating my thoughts and feelings on paper, to other people, and to myself.
This is my first effort to change that. I want to allow my brain a break every day by focusing my thoughts and letting them out. I never wrote enough before. I was too afraid of making my thoughts permanent. I've never wrote more than two pages in a journal without ripping out the first page. I haven't even posted a Facebook status in about two years because at one point I thought I should spare myself the future embarrassment when I go back and read old statuses.
Dear self,
Your thoughts are valuable. Expressing them is only going to make thinking easier. Writing every day will allow you to have more vivid and clear thoughts. Please, don't erase this post in a few days. Let your words remain.
Sincerely, Jessica
No comments:
Post a Comment